on being 23.

I have been 23 for one whole week. I have been learning things.

First, I have learned that trying to have a plan for your life is whack. My plan for my life was to graduate with my bachelor's, getting into a graduate program, move somewhere exciting, and get my master's in Speech Pathology. Then I could have a job. Like a career, where I actually got paid for my skills.

Well, that's not happening. No master's program wanted me. So, now what?

Where should I work for the next year? Where should I reapply next year? Do I even reapply?

Don't know.

Also, in all of my 23-year-old wisdom, I have been trying to figure out my feelings on money. Weird, right? 

You guys may or may not know this, but Jay and I are poor. I am just putting it out there. Like the kind of poor where you aren't able to really save money. Where you make enough to pay the bills and that is it.

Don't get me wrong. I am NOT complaining. I like being poor. It stretches me. We budget. We actually talk to each other before we spend money. We both have to approve an item before purchase. We seek activities over items. We spend time at home. Playing Skipbo. We hang out with people. 

I am just wondering why it is hard for me to be poor. Why am I so used to being able to buy what I want? Why have I bought into the whole consumeristic nature of our society? Why does everyone live beyond their means? Why do people equate success with making extra money? Why do people take more than they need?

I am sick of it. That's it. I refuse to live my life in a way that indicates that having money is what is most important to me. I refuse to love things over people. I refuse to instil that idea in my children. 

I have not come to any conclusions. Other than acknowledging humanities overwhelming selfishness and their rapidly common issue of making an idol out of money and material. 

A couple of weeks ago, I was complaining about how I get jealous over people who are able to take trips and then post about their awesomeness on facebook. Why can't I go on trips? Why can't I spend money willy-nilly?

Sisterfriend looked at me and in all seriousness said, "Is that what you want? Money? Trips? You need to decide what you want."

And she was right. And I have decided. I am responsible for what has been given to me. I will not take more than I need. I will find joy in my simple life. Live simply. That is what we all need.